As we say goodbye, we always wonder...

What happens next? The thoughts going through our heads are not, "I'm excited to turn the next page." They are, "Why did so much change so fast? Where do I go from here? I'm not sure I can find my way again."

Today is Valentine's Day and I'm definitely not upset that I'm "alone," because I'm honestly not lonely. I have great friends who I hung out with tonight, a very loving family, and a remotely satisfied existence. However, I do today find myself missing those I have never known and those I knew my whole life.

Let's start with a recent loss: Nodar Khokhobashvili, the Georgian luger, who lost his life on Saturday. I feel as if no words can adequately describe this man's tragic end. He went after his dream, got to the TOP of his game, and in a matter of seconds had the world taken away from him. How could have this happened to someone so unsuspecting, so undeserving? It makes me wonder why things like this happen. Does the story from kindergarten hold true, that God needs more angels? I'm always wondering. I just wonder a little bit more about things like this, where innocent people can have so much success and then find it whipped away without fair warning. Life is confusing. His Olympic team was so solemn as they walked into the arena at the opening ceremony. No smiles. The only message being sent was through their black arm bands of mourning. I truly think that mourning can only be like that for people of a certain caliber. The Georgians were not, as one could say, exaggerating their sadness by crying or waving their arms around or even refusing to walk. Oh how they walked, with those black arm bands throbbing against the white of their coats.

You know what? I just realized I can't do this post. I don't think I can do it yet... It's too hard. Plus, I am a little sleepy. To wrap things up, I wish I was stronger... I wish I could talk about things that wouldn't make me cry and I wish I didn't have to regret what I've done in the past. I wish I also didn't have to regret not jumping on opportunities or telling people who I care about how much I really do care for them. More on that later.

A birdseye view into my world

Hello to my zero followers (besides Sarah, who doesn't count, ahha just kidding love ya). I haven't written in a while and am feeling the need to express myself...

I had pneumonia about a week and a half ago, and am still reaping the rewards (meaning endless piles of makeup work). I've also started to drown in the consequences of my procrastination... I should have been working all weekend, yet keep finding myself playing silly computer games or on Facebook. Facebook is evil, why do I even have an account? I'm thinking of deactivating it for the remainder of the semester, or at least seeing how much more sleep I'll get if I don't go on it for an entire week.

I currently can't see my bedroom floor, and really haven't been able to since early December-- "I'll do it over winter break, Mom, I'm too busy with school right now." I'm not sure where my weekends go... I want to get my work done, and I actually prayed today that God would help me find the willpower to control my distractions. A little silly, but I'm hoping he'll help out. I've been eating an apple a day and drinking lots of water, so I'm also praying that I won't get sick again before spring break. I've got a big four-day weekend coming up, during which I will be studying, watching romantic comedies, and sleeping; Oh, and cleaning my room.

Tomorrow I make my long overdue return to Lacrosse, and I'm really excited that the team will still have me even though I missed tryouts because of being sick. Although I'm not the fastest nor in great shape, I have a feeling I'm seriously going to enjoy getting closer to my friends and learning new skills (such as... cradling the lax stick, actually running the entire time, etc). Hmmm... On to my clothing... As most of my clothing is lying on my bedroom floor, I haven't really spent much time incorporating variety into my ensembles, on the Leighton front it usually looks like leggings or yoga pants, uggs or rainbows, and t-shirts or sweatshirts... However, on Thursday for AP World we earned ten extra points for dressing like we were going to work (I wore all black and these really cute Nine West pumps, BUT!!! Much to my chagrin, I found out under the school's fluorescent lights that I was actually wearing dark blue tights... Still got a 110!). My mom told me I looked like I was 25, my sister said I looked business-y, and got nice compliments from friends and teachers alike. The same day, I found out I was nominated for VIP night at school! I was thrilled, because I hadn't been nominated last year. It was such a special night and it made me feel really good that my teachers thought of me so highly (at least I hope that's why they nominated me).

In (more) other news, I'm really liking Oracle though I've yet to break into that clique-y environment. All of my stories have been printed, though I noticed they had been altered a little bit (kind of frustrating). I've also heard that editors want me to write for their sections because I get my stories in on time and I write pretty well... I was supposed to be headed to Brown this upcoming Presidents' Day/Valentine's Day weekend, but airfare got pretttty pricey. Looks like I'm going to be visiting Duke and Davidson instead, both of which I am equally excited about. Brown will have to wait until Spring Break, half of which will be spent there in Rhode Island with Julie and half of which will be spent in Boston (Harvard, what what?) and New York (maybe Ithaca and Cornell, definitely Columbia and NYU). My interest in Journalism is getting really big, and so is my interest in having a future teaching career in Social Studies.

Well I'm off for now, because I've succeeded in procrastinating some more, but hopefully this is all the putting off my work I can do for the next two nights.

Leigh

p.s. picture found here